THIS TOO SHALL PASS-LIVING IN CONSANT PAIN

I would love to write until I am finished with the thought or topic but that is not my reality.The pain in my back that now radiates through out my body dictates how and what I do. Sometimes its so sad,I just want to live doing things everyone else does such as start a sentence and then finish it. Sometimes I see the blessings, I have to decide what is really important to me what is worth my very very precious energy.When I do manage to finish those things I have a sense of accomplishment I never would have known. So there are ups and downs positive and negatives. right now I am focusing as much as possible on the ups and the positives so I will want to contiue living. Not just staying here because there are few people who might or might not miss me. The time has come again when my body........

THIS TOO SHALL PASS-LIVING IN CONSANT PAIN

I've returned from the eye doctor don't have to go back for 2 whole weeks.Now the problem is this,it is systemic.meaning something somewhere somehow in my body caused my eyes to go wonky. I personally would like to know who what where and why! As it would seem this might not go away,I really don't think asking for answers is expecting too much.I guess my doctor is more concerned with getting it under control. BUT DAMN I AM SCARED, that part is a secret.once again the pain says stop, so stop I must....

this too shall pass-living in constaint pain

you now have a very little bit of my early background. fast forward.....1987 I am getting married and just a little pregnant,that was our wedding gift to eachother.We found out about the baby the night before the wedding.Got rid of those great honeymoon plans and went up noth to the cabin. Which I found out is loverly the end of March when no one is around. The lake become a giant drum at night when the ice refeezes.In the morning just  enough water shows to put in the canoe and paddle around the moitionless lake.You can se eveything as it passes by.Even a few baby egals sat right next to us on the ice.It really was amazing! which is good because we used the money to buy an old beautiful house. We are still trying to finish the renovations. For an income we became music promotors.It was a fun way to make money but not very stable,so I began teaching hebrewand judic studies.I had my hands full with a new baby a step daughter, a promotion company,an old decaying house and teaching 4-6 times a week. My body held out amazingly well given all I was putting it through.Then our son came along he was an anniversary present. Born on my fathers first yartziet (anniversary of his death) it was beautiful and sad at the same time. I have had to take three breaks all ready because of my back and I now need to take number four. I am back again but now I have to go see a doctor,suprise,suprise..My job is PROFESSIONAL CLIENT(we used to be called patients). Off I go.

this too shall pass-living in constant pain

I am trying really hard to do this blog thing but as usual life keeps getting in the way. I should say my life,a life of doctors, nurses,phamacies,and the big bad INSURANCE COMPANY!They are the ones who make all the calls when it come to my health. being that Money is their motive,I AM SCREWD,will explain later .time for nurse to keep my feet on my body.

r'

I know falling though a ceiling sounds strange but so has most of my life. Country Club(Jewish,we weren't allowed in the others until the1980's) on weekends along with the synagouge. During the week I was the only Jew in a lower middle class public school,next to the fanciest part of the inner city the Lake area. I had marinol preists on on side of our house and Sir Tyron Guthrie onthe other side.Oliver Rea and family also shared the home.they had a daughter my age and for most of my younger life we were always together,except school of course. On the other side of the block began the single mothers,broken glass and the real world that most people lived in. I grew up waching and helping when I could for equal rights and "war is not healthly for children and other living things",end the war! make love not war,you get the idea. My young mind was opeded to an amazing diverse world that could be changed if only we tried hard enough.I ran off  to a "black" high school getting tired of the same faces after 8 years.I was also allowed to graduate two years early.Not yet ready for university I again ran this time to the Middle east.I lived on kibbutz malkiya on the boarder of Lebanon for 3 1/2 years.Then moved to Tel-aviv for 3 years and studied at university there.This of course is a short back ground for the topic of my blogs Physical Health,of which I don't seem to have much anymore.

this too shall pass

Sometimes the pain is so tuff I wonder if it is really worth it.I feel like a waste of  space,filled only by a  G-d awful sering never ending hurt. The church bells outside suddenly fill the air and for a second it all goes away but now the church bells have ended and it's back.  I fell though a ceiling in our home when I was 10.My girl friend and I built a fort on top of the maids quarters,keeping out all siblings and their friends..I will never forget her saying she wanted to get down, we walked towards each other and met at a point that didn't have insulation only the bare sheet rock and DOWN we went.She landed next to a cinder block book case all I could see was the blood coming out of her leg.I landed flat on my tuches(arse) just missing the over head light on my down trough the ceiling.Seeing all the blood scared me alot,so I stood up to go get help.Down I went, the stairs near where I had stood were long and narrow I must had run them a million times. This time my legs gave out and the next thing I knew I was at the bottom. I couldn't stand but pulled myself to the next set of stairs my mother got to me at that point and put me on the sofa in sitting room.I could not stand up.This was forty one years ago now and still the sering pain dictates my life.The Pain says I must stop now.

THE QUESTION?

My dilemma is this, do I post when I am feeling on top of my game or do I go for it and bare my soul when I am truly just me?

eye site, steroids;ans doctor

Why is it every time I go to the doctor with a problem the solutions cause more and more symptoms? I was going blind in one eye all of a sudden then realized the other was going as well. I was given drops,they didnt do so well. Then the big guns STEROIDS ( how I dislike those things) came out. I have not slept in weeks. Now I have jock itch all over,other name is candida or yeast infection. The long and short of it is I still have very little eye site, two skin rashes,oh yeah this eye thing causes back pain. Somehow I don't feel ahead of the game here.