this too shall pass

I keep hearing, take responsibility for your behavior, Seems to me all I do is walk around and apologize for my behavior,neh, my very EXISTENCE, I do no know how too take anymore responsibility for actions I don't recall making! If I do recall something, most like likely I could not stop my self, at that moment. I feel awful , this is not me, this is not drugs speaking. A veil that has desended over my being, I experiance the world from inside a cloud, all is fozzgy, glancithing at reality though eyes I know are not showing me the truth. BAD BLOOD

this too shall pass

YESTERDAY ROCKED......THIS IS NOT FAIR!......I have never said it before and I pray I'll never say it again. Once more this isn't FAIR. I hate the roller coster that is my life, there must be something to depend on. Yesterday was such joy, a two hour walk, I won't sa how far I got but it was two hole hours out of my sanctuaray. I made my own dinner, lol. I set up my etsy booth, made a neckless, and worked on putting togther a book!! Now I know that seem

this too shall pass

We are BETRAYED at every turn we take. Firstly, we are souls trapped inside a Temple that is crumbling from the inside out. like an old building our bodies pipes,beams, the very foundation it's self is slowly cracking and disintegrating from under us. OUR BODIES, OUR TEMPLES ON EARTH BETRAY US.Then there are those we love that love us, they just do not get it. They haven't a clue about what we go through, how hard we fight just to stay alive. Their frustrations from a lack of understanding (grock ) comes at us like bullets. LOVE, A GENTLE TOUCH BECOMES ELUSIVE AGAIN WE FEEL BETRAYED. Then we get to the healers. They try in their limited way to help us become strong, healthy even stay that way. They do not listen,they do not HEAR what we are saying. They know better than we do about OUR BODIES, they will never be able to truly helps us until they learn to work with us, instead of telling us what they think, it is we who are going through this. What it is we need to heal , WE ARE BETRAYED BY OUR HEALERS, THEY KNOW WHAT WE NEED. In the end they make us sicker our lives become a living hell , BETRAYED.

CHANGING OF THE TIDES

Time for a brain cleaning or maybe it should say adjustment. I really want to trust the important people in my life,or should it say I really want them to trust me!! either way time to make some changes in the old mind, The place needs a new pattern. Most of the time I am alone unless someone is being paid. most of those who are dearest to me, stay a bit away or are around little or are around only for a second. They have of late begun thinking of me a a hypochondriac,lire,who knows what else! They have an excuse not to listen or even believe what I am saying. Lucky the prision walls are beginning to expand! WHOLE NEW ~~TEAM~~OF DOCTORS listening to me trying to understand and get what I need. those around me must accept them, they saved my life 2 times now. Notice all the problems seem to be with others thinking not mine.This is how I know I need to change the way I think and feel, they won't!! BEGINNING THE CHANGING THOUGHT PATTERNS.~~TODAH L'ELOHIM V' HASHECNAH.~~~RUBY

this too shall pass

I would think it is time for a brain revision.

this too shall pass

What is going on in the medical world today.Fist they ignore me foe 20 years. Then they slice and dice me for 15 years, now I am a complete mess. every doctor thinks they know what is best, until I see them a few times, that is when I get pawned off on someone else,who says they have not a clue.so back to the shrink I go.OMG will this vicious cycle ever end. TO HAVE THE QUALITY OF MY LIFE DEPENDENT ON PEOPLE WHO THINK THEY KNOW IT ALL IS THE MOST AGGRAVATING, DENIGRATING, AND HUMILIATING THING I CAN THINK OF.That's not entirely true but I'll lave that for another time. PEACE IN THE MIDDLE EAST!!

this too shall pass

I am alone and so it must be. No one can enter or even try. Do I remember a time when it was not this way? at times, there have been moments in life when others have been a part of me and I of them but so so short and quickly it passes. I am alone again just as before.Needing to justify my existence not truly wanted, not needed at all not kicked out the door, yet I can feel their desire to be rid of me yet the door remains closed,why? To open it and go, freeing them all, myself most of all! No justification no reason at all for why I exist. I am. that is all.
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