Ive decided it's time to revive my blog. I need a platform to address the many injustices I have encountered. I also need to heal myself, my pain, both physical n emotional. With that here goes. A few years ago I left my family n began a journey I could never dream of. I began living with the homeless artisans of minneapolis. Actually I invited them into my home. We built a community which supported everyone gave food clothing n shelter. We also supported the artistic endeavors of individuals who came to my home looking for a base. In the end the police took the house. I still feel as if I let us down and I lost my home of 30 years. Still I fight with the medical community for I have no quality to my life. The conditions in my body worsen every day. I even have some new ones. The pain increases all the time. Diabetic neuropathy n my sciatic nerves make my legs feel as if im wearing ski boots. Ski boots are heavy n hurt after a while. My shoulder has no rotator cuff n both are riddled with arthritis. Actually my entire body has osteoarthritis. My head has been hit a few times dislocating the retina in my eye. It is amazing how much of our bodies depend of our eyes to function properly. Through all this I continue to feel blessed for all the experiences and emotions I have been through. The only real regret I have is my children who no longer speak with me. The pain this brings can be unbearable at times. I take comfort in knowing they are happy n prosperous in theyre lives. Here is where I will end today. One Love ~ <3 p="">

Starting One More Time

It's been a long time since my last posting. I became very tired of the constant complaining about the Ddocs and their miss treatmtnemt. It only got worse from then so in the end I simply walked away from all of it. 8 months now I have been free from all their games and miss treatment. It has been wonderful not having people pass judgment or tell me what and how to live my life. The reality is that I cant move very well, this is no life either! Back in I go praying this time I will get the help I need to have a life. Funny the docs think I'm doing so well without meds hhhhh right, better to lay around rather than be a part of this world. I can control a lot of the pain and even blood sugars with meditation. This is no way to exisist I will end up naked in a cave somewhere. I wish meditation could be time released thats not going to happen. After to many Er visits I need a pain clinic uuhgg i dislike them with their policies guiding every move, I just dont fit the profile. Somewhere somehow I will get help!! 

HOW MY CIVIL AND PAIN PATIENTS RIGHTS WERE TAKEN FROM ME LAST NIGHT .... i did it again, wrote a long long post and forgot to post it, shoot...ok here is what happened yesterday. my pain doc called me a lire because no one has called him to say how bad my body is doing..i called my PM for 5 days, on the 5th i was crying because i had slept 6 hours and the oainwas to much, hearing my voice the operator actually got him on the line, i told him about the pain doc and asked him to call. he had said my pain not being controlled was causing more damage. but then he asked if i was suicidal, omg i get asked that 2-5 times a week, to bad they dont just help me. i told my PM it is hard not to think of it but i would never take my life. he then said he was worried about my health and would i go to th er i said no at first because they do nothing to help, he called 911, cops get here and told me the ambulance was on the way. i told them i really did not need to go at wich time i was told if i did not go then i would have a 72 hour hold put on me...so much for pain patients rights, or my civil rights..instead of the hospital i was taken to an empty room witha locked door, i asked for my purse the emt said he had to search it first...omg..then a 'nurse' comes in and says she is locling my things up...what?? i had not even seena doc. the cop comes in, one inch from my face and says 'give it to her' staring me down, i stared right backand softly said you can talk to me nicely, his response 'dont tell me what to do' i hadnt and i said so i refused and he said 20 guys were on their way to tie me down,,thats when the doc came in, he asked what was going on and i told him he asked if i was going to kill myself i said no!! he believed me i said i just want to go home now so he said ok...the nurse brings the wheel chair to the door, across the foom, i asked her to bring it to me sah walked away. the cop stilll standind at my door keept telling me to get up and get it.. i told him if i could do that i never would have ended up in there. finally th enurse pushes the char near the gurney ..then pushes me to the outter waiting foom to try and find a ride..guess who followed, oh yeah as we were going out i told him i had never in my life met anyone so rude, he said i made him,,,so he comes to the waiting room and sits behind the desk...i told him i have been all over the worlf and had never ever met anyone so rude in my life..he said and if you said the sky was purple we r to believe this too, i wish lol...i got out of the chair and usesd it for a walker to go to another part pf the hosopital, and that is the story of my civil and pain patients rights being taken from me last night,,,oh each person along the wy said i was fine but they had to do their job......sounded like nazi germany to me, felt that way too, one love and peace out....hope everyone is oainless as possible (((( ♥ ))))~ruby sorry for sp it hurts too much right now to correct i hope u will understand,,,,,this is a post i wrote in my pain group 2 days ago.......how much more must we endure from society, when our own bodies betray us, so does the system that is meant to support us?

Like · · · Saturday at 10:53pm near Minneapolis

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TIPS FOR DEALING WITH PEOPLE IN PAIN

1. People with chronic pain seem unreliable (we can’t count on ourselves). When feeling better we promise things (and mean it); when in serious pain, we may not even show up.

2. An action or situation may result in pain several hours later, or even the next day. Delayed pain is confusing to people who have never experienced it.

3. Pain can inhibit listening and other communication skills. It’s like having someone shouting at you, or trying to talk with a fire alarm going off in the room. The effect of pain on the mind can seem like attention deficit disorder. So you may have to repeat a request, or write things down for a person with chronic pain. Don’t take it personally, or think that they are stupid.

4. The senses can overload while in pain. For example, noises that wouldn’t normally bother you, seem too much.

5. Patience may seem short. We can’t wait in a long line; can’t wait for a long drawn out conversation.

6. Don’t always ask “how are you” unless you are genuinely prepared to listen it just points attention inward.

7. Pain can sometimes trigger psychological disabilities (usually very temporary). When in pain, a small task, like hanging out the laundry, can seem like a huge wall, too high to climb over. An hour later the same job may be quite OK. It is sane to be depressed occasionally when you hurt.

8. Pain can come on fairly quickly and unexpectedly. Pain sometimes abates after a short rest. Chronic pain people appear to arrive and fade unpredictably to others.

9. Knowing where a refuge is, such as a couch, a bed, or comfortable chair, is as important as knowing where a bathroom is. A visit is much more enjoyable if the chronic pain person knows there is a refuge if needed. A person with chronic pain may not want to go anywhere that has no refuge (e.g.no place to sit or lie down).

10. Small acts of kindness can seem like huge acts of mercy to a person in pain. Your offer of a pillow or a cup of tea can be a really big thing to a person who is feeling temporarily helpless in the face of encroaching pain.

11. Not all pain is easy to locate or describe. Sometimes there is a body-wide feeling of discomfort, with hard to describe pains in the entire back, or in both legs, but not in one particular spot you can point to. Our vocabulary for pain is very limited, compared to the body’s ability to feel varieties of discomfort.

12. We may not have a good “reason” for the pain. Medical science is still limited in its understanding of pain. Many people have pain that is not yet classified by doctors as an officially recognized “disease”. That does not reduce the pain, – it only reduces our ability to give it a label, and to have you believe us.

AUTHOR UNKNOWN     to all those who care, THANK YOU <3 div="div">

This To Shall Pass-One Year Ago

                               It is has been a year of great sadness, great joy, much growing, learning.......one year ago I was sent away as suicidal, what none sense, i just wanted to dissapper, leave all the pain in life..never have I wanted to die ( ok one moment, after being cut and quartered , they forgot to medicate me, i did leave the building , for a moment, self preservation ) never of my own free will, just needed to disappear to find the joy again....no one was listening ...so they locked me up, so surreal even the Doctor said I had to much color to be in there, I could not relate at all...one very long week..so many truths came out to see the light of day. My body and I have been to hell and back, some of the sweetest gifts I have ever received, some of the most painful truths came to surface..what a thin line we walk. 3 Doc. enforced withdrawals....sending me into a nose dive, every body issue I have surfaces to the top, omg, so many have now accumulated..most a direct result of bad procedures forced upon me by the medical community, I feel like a guinea pig. How can they not know, how much more devastating these procedures are, than a pill would be??????  Three different pain clinics, three,  how can this be, each time having to bend to the will of the "Powers That Be" their procedures ( never want to hear that word again), it is not easy to bend when in so much pain..each time more and more truths in my life also appear. I was forced to look at my body truths and my  emotional truths. Once or twice in a decade is more than enough, so 3 times have been way too much, I was forced to make many changes most have been sad, their beauty is that the sadness when dealt with makes room for true joy. I  am grateful for the growth the lessons learned, the joy that begins to enter my life. I never want to do it again, I will continue to blossom becoming myself please let me open the doors at my own time and pace...i do not know if I could endure another forced growth spurt, my body alone will not make it, all ready I walk that line. Yet the gifts received are many, new friends, old friends, support is the sweetest of all. I give thanks to the Power for all that has happened, I really appreciate the sweet  sweet joy, ONE LOVE.......                                                                                                          

the heart of the beast

                   WHERE HAVE I BEEN, WHERE HAVEN'T I BEEN
I have seen the underside of the beast working my way back out. The atrocities I have had to endure the past few months are beyond recognition. i have been thrown to the street more times than i can remember, if you die i will get blamed, no one ever dies from withdrawal, you are to blame, junkie, er- never come back, 6 months- cannot find your records-no meds for you, surgery's total paralysis or a pump under 9 scars. What about me? Cannot walk, nor sit, neck so swollen so big-thyroid,feet stabbing-spasms gloure curling up no recognition, blood boiling heart forever sore- sweet to sweet, can't take it no more!    Thank you UNCLE SAM YOUR POLOCIES DESTROY , laws make our hearts green , fear is everywhere  , running no cares, so where, where do I go now, how do i get there??? TEAR much PAIN, I am back.