THIS TOO SHAL PASS~~ NEXT STEP

Today is a part of the 9 universal days of wonderment (awe). There is so much in life to wonder about. The greatest wonder of all is how much we are the same. All the commonalities, even though we have taken many different paths at the base it is still the same path. The tree of life has but one trunk with many many branches. As the tree grows so shall we. The most difficult part of the days of awe is to ask those who have harmed us, to forgive us. One the other side and maybe harder is to forgive those who have hurt us. At the end our souls are ready to move on for another year. COL TUV  MAY ALL BE GOOD!

THIS TOO SHAL PASS~~ NEXT STEP

      There is always sun shine somewhere in the rain. Things can seem somewhat superficial, yet really touch you some where and lift your spirits. At the times when I feel about as low as I think I can go the smallest most insignificant thing can happen and really make me feel like I am not so worthwhile after all. Someone I bearly know at all read my blog and commented on what a strong women I am. To see myself through someone else's eyes, someone I don't know very well is a real boost to the selfestem.              Or someone I have been arguing with for many months does something so incredibly nice, helps me feel less alone and a part of the world. So any time you can do the smallest niceness for someone do it! you have no idea how much it might mean to that person.

THIS TOO SHAL PASS~~ NEXT STEP

So compound fractures, one of the worst but then there is the athletes foot all over you body,head to toe and everywhere in between.I mean everywhere! athletes foot is also known as yeast, it's much more fun to write athletes foot though, a picture is painted that really captures the feeling of having that horrid imbalance in your system. Did I mention what it can do to a persons life expectancy? Then there is the possibility of swollen, sore, aching joints and limbs. Oh yeah there is the part about back pain as well. These are some of what I remember, wait kidney problems as well.  The doctors are willing to put this HORRID chemical in my body.      THE SIDE EFFECTS OF PAIN MEDICATION MAKES IT TOO DANGEROUS FOR ME TO TAKE!! anger, frustration, and sadness at the loss of any quality to my life makes me so incredibly ( my words escape ) angry I am actually don't know how to put on paper the strength of my emotions. only   ~~~ how dare they,they don't live in this body or the agony I live with each and every day all day long!~~~ quantity without quality, what kind of choice is that      how dare they,   make that decision for me.

THIS TOO SHAL PASS~~ NEXT STEP

When we last met I was giving you the low down on steroids. So now you know the most gentile of  the side affects. the harsh stuff is: compound fractures, actually right now the pain is so sever I can't write,right now. I don't know what I have ever done to have to live a life with kind of pain!! I try with every once of my being to go forward but I only go back. I don't know how much more I can take.

THIS TOO SHAL PASS~~ NEXT STEP

firstly, I ended up with a really good chicken  civiichangah, not what I had wanted but good all the same. My stomach and taste buds are satisfied. This blog will probably have to be done in a series this sitting stuff just gets to me in a way no one( I pray ) can understand, ok maybe just a few   My job, for all that is worth, is going to docs listening to do as I am told. That is a really hard part, just ask my mom. I have always been a free thinker! I listen then study talk to people and pick as many brains possible. oh yeah, I listen to what my body is saying first and foremost. Then I make an educated guess or I try to make it an educated decision. I am sooooooo mad right now. However I do respect a doc. that says I have no clue what to do for you.They have been pouring hugh amounts of steroids down my throat. 80mg for 2 weeks then tapering months down to 0, 3 times now in the past 5 months. this has been to keep me from loosing my sight. Now we get to the anger part, they will give me a medication,  ( side bar... lost my blog after 45min.I found it  all by myself! oh so exciting ) that has more horrid side effect tan almost any medication I have ever seen. STEROIDS: weight gain, increased appetite, rounding and puffiness of face, increased urination,abdominal pains brushing of the skin, THESE are the least destructive now the horrid ones. I'll have to post and continue after a back break.

THIS TOO SHAL PASS~~ NEXT STEP

I have so much I want to write right now but for the time being I will put just this....Every Friday for as long as I can remember we have ordered take out. this night they wanted food from a Mexican restaurant  that does not have a menu on the internet. 6 phone calls to figure out what they have that I want to eat. No one can understand how tuff even the smallest of things can be. ALL I WANT IS A CACTUS SALAD FOR DINNER they call it something else we will see what I get. To much frustration for something so simple,why won't anyone understand?

THIS TOO SHAL PASS~~ NEXT STEP

      I WOULD LIKE TO TALK ABOUT MY HUSBAND. WE HAVE BEEN MARRIED 231/2 YEARS NOW. IT IS ALOT OF WORK FOR US BOTH.. IN ALOT OF WAYS IT MUST BE MUCH MORE DIFFICULT ON HIM. HE MARRIED A VIBRANT ACTIVE WOMEN,WITHIN 15 YEARS HE HAS A WIFE WHO MIGHT AS WELL BE 95. HE LOST  A PARTNER TO GO OUT WITH AND ENJOY THE WORLD TOGETHER. A PARTNER TO NOURISH HIM AFTER A LONG HARD DAY OR WHEN HE IS SICK ( FACE IT MEN ARE WORSE THAN KIDS WHEN SICK). HE WORRIES HIMSELF TO THE POINT OF DISTRACTION. I REALLY WISH HE WOULDN'T, IN THE LONG RUN IT KEEPS HIM FROM BEING ABLE TO FUNCTION. TO HIM I SAY    " LESS WORRY MORE ACTION ". BESIDES THE WORRYING ONLY MAKES HIM SICK. HE IS A MAN WITH A GOOD HEART , AND MESSY EXTERIOR. NOT ONLY WAS MY LIFE TAKEN FROM ME BUT SO WAS HIS. I AM GLAD, ALOT OF THE TIME HE THINKS OF  HIMSELF FIRST  I AM SURE THAT HAS KEPT HIM AS HEALTHY AS HE IS AND HELPED KEEPS US TOGETHER, KEEPS THE RESENTMENT DOWN AND ALL THAT  KIND OF STUFF. THERE ARE TIMES I WOULD RATHER HE THINK OF ME AND MY NEEDS MORE. HE'S NOT BUILT THAT WAY AND LIKE I SAID MAYBE IT IS A GOOD THING. THANKS G FOR STICKING IT OUT AND NOT STICKING ME IN A NURSING HOME. THANKS FOR ALL YOU'VE DONE.