Today I think I'll blog about relationships especially those between the disabled person and those around them that are their support system, and their loved ones.
I know it can be very difficult to be around someone who is disabled, they constantly need something. Whether it be food, shower, laundry, kitchen cleaned, and my favorite a ride to the doctor's office. I really do understand how difficult it is for the people around us, they have lives. Their lives are quite full, they did not ask to get stuck with someone like us. Someone who needs so much attention, but that just talking about timewise , i am also talking about mental and emotional support. Most people it would seem just don't have it in them, to give to another human in such a time-consuming, emotionally consuming way.
It is equally hard for us who need the help. Being a burden to others is a horrible feeling made even worse by other people's response. The worst thing for me is when I ask for some help and the response is go ask someone else. And when you ask that person they say ask someone else. It really is quite humiliating, and emotionally painful. But once again, I do understand that I am seen as a burden, and most of the people around me, they would rather I not be in this position, but then I'd rather not be in this condition. I can't tell you how many times I heard you can do this it yourself, or I'm to busy right now maybe later. Or I'm too tired right now ask me again another time. Don't they understand that it's hard enough to ask just once? But to ask multiple times can be downright hurtful.
Dammit the mouse back back l least I have company. But that little bugger needs to start paying rent! Bottom line here is that this is really hard on everyone. Those of us who are disabled, are already dealing with so many issues, our bodies that are falling apart, the pain that we live with is so damaging not only to our bodies but to our souls as well. Never mind the effect it has on our brain and when that physical pain kicks in so strong and sometimes for so long that our emotional beings become affected as well. Then those around us tend to get mad, they get mad, they judge, and start dictating how we should behave. They do not understand that our behavior, our very personalities become affected by our condition. Even the condition causes a lot of the changes, but the medications we are given can also have a profound effect on our minds and our personalities. Nine times out of 10 it is the most benign of the medications that seem to have this effect, although the doctors will tell our caregivers that it is stronger stuff that is causing this. And because we are not our right minds, or so they think, no one listens to what we have to say, just because it's our bodies our minds that are being affected, we shouldn't have a clue as to the cause? That's another issue that makes it all so much more difficult, not being heard, people hearing what they choose to hear instead of what is really being said.
The hardest part for me is being disowned by the very people that should be my support system. I am told that I am hurtful and angry and they don't want to be around me anymore. The saddest part is when all of this happened I was on a medication that completely changed my personality, and I have no recollection of it. In trying to explain that to them,I am told that I refuse to take responsibility for my actions. Kind of hard to take responsibility for actions you don't remember, even though I have apologized numerous times and I really am sorry and I am sorry that I don't remember. It's not an excuse nor is it away out of taking responsibility, it's just simply a fact.
While this blog's been sitting in me for quite a while, and I really did not want nor know how to put it out there. But it is blocking me from continuing forward and that is not good. I do want it to end by saying, I appreciate each and every thing they do for me more than there will ever know, maybe it's because I know how much they do not want to do it, but either way I do appreciate everything so very much. Believe it or not I'm grateful, they won't believe it but I to know that. Just like I know many other things, I am not believed or heard because I am disabled.
I know it can be very difficult to be around someone who is disabled, they constantly need something. Whether it be food, shower, laundry, kitchen cleaned, and my favorite a ride to the doctor's office. I really do understand how difficult it is for the people around us, they have lives. Their lives are quite full, they did not ask to get stuck with someone like us. Someone who needs so much attention, but that just talking about timewise , i am also talking about mental and emotional support. Most people it would seem just don't have it in them, to give to another human in such a time-consuming, emotionally consuming way.
It is equally hard for us who need the help. Being a burden to others is a horrible feeling made even worse by other people's response. The worst thing for me is when I ask for some help and the response is go ask someone else. And when you ask that person they say ask someone else. It really is quite humiliating, and emotionally painful. But once again, I do understand that I am seen as a burden, and most of the people around me, they would rather I not be in this position, but then I'd rather not be in this condition. I can't tell you how many times I heard you can do this it yourself, or I'm to busy right now maybe later. Or I'm too tired right now ask me again another time. Don't they understand that it's hard enough to ask just once? But to ask multiple times can be downright hurtful.
Dammit the mouse back back l least I have company. But that little bugger needs to start paying rent! Bottom line here is that this is really hard on everyone. Those of us who are disabled, are already dealing with so many issues, our bodies that are falling apart, the pain that we live with is so damaging not only to our bodies but to our souls as well. Never mind the effect it has on our brain and when that physical pain kicks in so strong and sometimes for so long that our emotional beings become affected as well. Then those around us tend to get mad, they get mad, they judge, and start dictating how we should behave. They do not understand that our behavior, our very personalities become affected by our condition. Even the condition causes a lot of the changes, but the medications we are given can also have a profound effect on our minds and our personalities. Nine times out of 10 it is the most benign of the medications that seem to have this effect, although the doctors will tell our caregivers that it is stronger stuff that is causing this. And because we are not our right minds, or so they think, no one listens to what we have to say, just because it's our bodies our minds that are being affected, we shouldn't have a clue as to the cause? That's another issue that makes it all so much more difficult, not being heard, people hearing what they choose to hear instead of what is really being said.
The hardest part for me is being disowned by the very people that should be my support system. I am told that I am hurtful and angry and they don't want to be around me anymore. The saddest part is when all of this happened I was on a medication that completely changed my personality, and I have no recollection of it. In trying to explain that to them,I am told that I refuse to take responsibility for my actions. Kind of hard to take responsibility for actions you don't remember, even though I have apologized numerous times and I really am sorry and I am sorry that I don't remember. It's not an excuse nor is it away out of taking responsibility, it's just simply a fact.
While this blog's been sitting in me for quite a while, and I really did not want nor know how to put it out there. But it is blocking me from continuing forward and that is not good. I do want it to end by saying, I appreciate each and every thing they do for me more than there will ever know, maybe it's because I know how much they do not want to do it, but either way I do appreciate everything so very much. Believe it or not I'm grateful, they won't believe it but I to know that. Just like I know many other things, I am not believed or heard because I am disabled.
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