THIS TOO SHALL PASS

   `OR WILL IT? i am beginning to wonder if this will ever get better? i found a new pain management doc last week, he even increased my medication by just a bit but what difference! I  was told to see his partner this week, so i went. No one told me that his partners referral was insufficient. When i got there boy what a surprise!! He did not have enough info to treat me, he did give me enough medicine so I would not die, just want to. although he did lower one from 6 mg per day to .25, that would kill me. I called and pointed this out so it was doubled to 1mg per day! as i said not enough to die, just want to. My new primary just took all my MRI'S CAT SCANS AND EX-RAYS, to 3 spine experts all agreed, i need a fusion of my spine from top to bottom. Which would most likely leave me paralysed, oh and the hole from a 6 year infection is filled with spinal fluid. the hole must be closed but after 10 surgeries the is no tissue left i would end up with a hole. Just what i need, my spine exposed. Now I am stuck at a clinic with a Doctor who does not have any idea how to treat or is too afraid. the new computers that track us have doctors so scared they are afraid to treat, but that is another story. wanting to live, not at all sure how or if.