THIS TOO SHAL PASS~~ NEXT STEP

So compound fractures, one of the worst but then there is the athletes foot all over you body,head to toe and everywhere in between.I mean everywhere! athletes foot is also known as yeast, it's much more fun to write athletes foot though, a picture is painted that really captures the feeling of having that horrid imbalance in your system. Did I mention what it can do to a persons life expectancy? Then there is the possibility of swollen, sore, aching joints and limbs. Oh yeah there is the part about back pain as well. These are some of what I remember, wait kidney problems as well.  The doctors are willing to put this HORRID chemical in my body.      THE SIDE EFFECTS OF PAIN MEDICATION MAKES IT TOO DANGEROUS FOR ME TO TAKE!! anger, frustration, and sadness at the loss of any quality to my life makes me so incredibly ( my words escape ) angry I am actually don't know how to put on paper the strength of my emotions. only   ~~~ how dare they,they don't live in this body or the agony I live with each and every day all day long!~~~ quantity without quality, what kind of choice is that      how dare they,   make that decision for me.

THIS TOO SHAL PASS~~ NEXT STEP

When we last met I was giving you the low down on steroids. So now you know the most gentile of  the side affects. the harsh stuff is: compound fractures, actually right now the pain is so sever I can't write,right now. I don't know what I have ever done to have to live a life with kind of pain!! I try with every once of my being to go forward but I only go back. I don't know how much more I can take.

THIS TOO SHAL PASS~~ NEXT STEP

firstly, I ended up with a really good chicken  civiichangah, not what I had wanted but good all the same. My stomach and taste buds are satisfied. This blog will probably have to be done in a series this sitting stuff just gets to me in a way no one( I pray ) can understand, ok maybe just a few   My job, for all that is worth, is going to docs listening to do as I am told. That is a really hard part, just ask my mom. I have always been a free thinker! I listen then study talk to people and pick as many brains possible. oh yeah, I listen to what my body is saying first and foremost. Then I make an educated guess or I try to make it an educated decision. I am sooooooo mad right now. However I do respect a doc. that says I have no clue what to do for you.They have been pouring hugh amounts of steroids down my throat. 80mg for 2 weeks then tapering months down to 0, 3 times now in the past 5 months. this has been to keep me from loosing my sight. Now we get to the anger part, they will give me a medication,  ( side bar... lost my blog after 45min.I found it  all by myself! oh so exciting ) that has more horrid side effect tan almost any medication I have ever seen. STEROIDS: weight gain, increased appetite, rounding and puffiness of face, increased urination,abdominal pains brushing of the skin, THESE are the least destructive now the horrid ones. I'll have to post and continue after a back break.

THIS TOO SHAL PASS~~ NEXT STEP

I have so much I want to write right now but for the time being I will put just this....Every Friday for as long as I can remember we have ordered take out. this night they wanted food from a Mexican restaurant  that does not have a menu on the internet. 6 phone calls to figure out what they have that I want to eat. No one can understand how tuff even the smallest of things can be. ALL I WANT IS A CACTUS SALAD FOR DINNER they call it something else we will see what I get. To much frustration for something so simple,why won't anyone understand?

THIS TOO SHAL PASS~~ NEXT STEP

      I WOULD LIKE TO TALK ABOUT MY HUSBAND. WE HAVE BEEN MARRIED 231/2 YEARS NOW. IT IS ALOT OF WORK FOR US BOTH.. IN ALOT OF WAYS IT MUST BE MUCH MORE DIFFICULT ON HIM. HE MARRIED A VIBRANT ACTIVE WOMEN,WITHIN 15 YEARS HE HAS A WIFE WHO MIGHT AS WELL BE 95. HE LOST  A PARTNER TO GO OUT WITH AND ENJOY THE WORLD TOGETHER. A PARTNER TO NOURISH HIM AFTER A LONG HARD DAY OR WHEN HE IS SICK ( FACE IT MEN ARE WORSE THAN KIDS WHEN SICK). HE WORRIES HIMSELF TO THE POINT OF DISTRACTION. I REALLY WISH HE WOULDN'T, IN THE LONG RUN IT KEEPS HIM FROM BEING ABLE TO FUNCTION. TO HIM I SAY    " LESS WORRY MORE ACTION ". BESIDES THE WORRYING ONLY MAKES HIM SICK. HE IS A MAN WITH A GOOD HEART , AND MESSY EXTERIOR. NOT ONLY WAS MY LIFE TAKEN FROM ME BUT SO WAS HIS. I AM GLAD, ALOT OF THE TIME HE THINKS OF  HIMSELF FIRST  I AM SURE THAT HAS KEPT HIM AS HEALTHY AS HE IS AND HELPED KEEPS US TOGETHER, KEEPS THE RESENTMENT DOWN AND ALL THAT  KIND OF STUFF. THERE ARE TIMES I WOULD RATHER HE THINK OF ME AND MY NEEDS MORE. HE'S NOT BUILT THAT WAY AND LIKE I SAID MAYBE IT IS A GOOD THING. THANKS G FOR STICKING IT OUT AND NOT STICKING ME IN A NURSING HOME. THANKS FOR ALL YOU'VE DONE.

THIS TOO SHAL PASS~~ NEXT STEP

I HAVE NO CLUE WHAT TO DO! THE DOCS HAVE ALL ADMITTED (IN ONE WAY OR DIRECTLY) WHAT TO DO FOR ME . WE LIVE IN THE LAND OF   ~~~~10,000.OOO REHABS~~~ MOST DOCS IN MINNESOTA DON'T BELIEVE IN PAIN MEDS.  NOW THEY WANT TO SEND ME TO MAY CLINIC FOR 2 WEEK REHAB.   I WOULD HAVE TO STAY INA MOTEL AND BUY FOOD, I'M ON DISABILITY,WHAT ARE THEY THINKING???    IT'S NOT LIKE I HAVEN'T BEEN TO REHAB MANY MANY MANY TIMES.       THEY HAVE MESSED ME UP SO BADLY I AM NOW IN HORRID NON-STOP SEARING PAIN. THE ONLY ANSWER THEY HAVE IS REHAB. AGAIN,AND MAKING ME BORROW MONEY TO DO IT.     THIS IS COMPLETELY LUDICROUS.  THE LAST REHAB I WENT TO SAID I SHOULD BE TEACHING!      DOES ANYONE KNOW ABOUT ANY GOOD DOCTORS THAT ARE NOT AFRAID  TO REALLY HELP ME?  I AM IN MINNEAPOLIS MN.   SOMEONE PLEASE ANSWER, I AM BECOMING DESPERATE! THIS IS A SAD EXCUSE FOR A BLOG.

THIS TOO SHAL PASS~~ NEXT STEP

I WANT TO SIT HERE ALL NIGHT AND WRITE,  MY BODY ~~ SUPPORT ~~ MY STRENGTH. HAS DISINTEGRATED INTO A FAIRLY USELESS  MASS, RIDDLED WITH PAIN~~ I HATE THESE MEDICATIONns .not too happy with my computer either. stuff jumps all over types over other stuff, I digress.  ~~ fairly useless mass, riddled with pain ~~~   how do I count on it,on myself, if I can't even count on a moving mecHAinism (even computer) to support me to aid me in what ever I endeavour. likewitting what or when I want to!    how about a camping trip????? I'm going to cry. clean a closet,that stopped the crying. I would love to see a play or not annoy 1/2 the people I am around.                    ~~~~THE WESTERN DOCTORS HAVE MADE A BIGGER MESS OF MY BODY THAN ANY OTHER MODE OF HEALING I TRIED~~~ I DID ALL MOST ALL 99%  OF WHAT THEY ASKED ME TO DO AND IT IS ALL ALL ALL SO MUCH WORSE~~~~              MUST I LEAVE SO THOSE AROUND ME ARE NOT SO ANGRY, MOST LIKELY I JUST UZZZZZZZZ ANGER. EVEN THOUGH I FEEL NONE.,USUALLY, PAIN OR SADNESS,WITH A DROP OF ANXIETY FOR GOOD MEASURE. THE CLOCK AND MY BACK ARE SAYING GOOD NIGHT ~~I MUST STOP~ LILAH TOV (GOOD NIGHT TO YOU)      ~~~ RUBY LYNN ~~~

this too shall -next step

..                                             ~~~~~  NEXT STEP IN MY PATH  ~~~~

I learned how to leave comments and then I could tell others: bottom off bolg ...links to blog,click, leave comment, put down name or not! I am ready to let more people see them. I am also ecited to read the comments good and bad . THIS IS A HUGH STEP FOR ME. I wrote 7 volumes that someone I had trusted with my life, STOLE ,the whole thing. I began at age 8 then puff all gone.

 It felt worse than being molested for me. So, it looks like I am ready, ecited ,and scared. This fels like life,being alive,                I MISS(ED) FEELING ALIVE    I hope with every molicule of my being that this time I am accepted in a much genteler positive atmosphere. TO GO FORWARD HAPPY AND SATISFIED.             ~~~~~~~~OMG~~~~~~~ AND IN RETUN      SH'HECIANU V'KIMANU L'ZMAN HA'ZEH, AMEN     It cann'''t hurt, plus I mutter it enough before and after surgery.    THANK YOU FOR BRINGING US     HERE, IN THIS WAY, AT THIS TIME !!!
 ~~~  ONE PEACE~~~SAFE JOURNEY~~~HAVE  FUN~~~AND GROW!!  lyn ruby shalom
 










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this too shall pass-living in constant pain