In the beginning, when all these surgeries started you were worried, everyone was. After a short time I became an embarrassment, no longer did anyone want to take me out, especially with my wheelchair. Amazing how the first surgery was so full of people that some were asked to leave, surgery number 10 I laid there alone and cried.
What is so hard to take, difficult to live with, I have gone from a viable member of my family to that of the leech.not in reality but in everyone's mind and the way I am treated. I still have much to offer, a life to live. I refuse to listen to the words, that spew from the mouths of most of the people who are supposed to be the closest to me. Said before they have no clue, and the kind of rejection and abuse that I am taking from them is intolerable. This must be why most people in my condition are alone. Very few are lucky enough to have people around, their family, that actually know how to deal with us or even care to.
and I think the worst part of all of it is I don't like who I've become. I am not a person who short of temper, angry or manipulative but that's the way I feel most of the time. I've have always been a very open and honest person, caring about others usually before my self. I know if I am to heal I must return to myself, the person who loves to laugh, who loves to have a good time, loves to help other people, loves her family. My heart was quiet yet it burned with energy, my soul loved searching, my mind exploring I should, I am literally dying to get out.
What is so hard to take, difficult to live with, I have gone from a viable member of my family to that of the leech.not in reality but in everyone's mind and the way I am treated. I still have much to offer, a life to live. I refuse to listen to the words, that spew from the mouths of most of the people who are supposed to be the closest to me. Said before they have no clue, and the kind of rejection and abuse that I am taking from them is intolerable. This must be why most people in my condition are alone. Very few are lucky enough to have people around, their family, that actually know how to deal with us or even care to.
and I think the worst part of all of it is I don't like who I've become. I am not a person who short of temper, angry or manipulative but that's the way I feel most of the time. I've have always been a very open and honest person, caring about others usually before my self. I know if I am to heal I must return to myself, the person who loves to laugh, who loves to have a good time, loves to help other people, loves her family. My heart was quiet yet it burned with energy, my soul loved searching, my mind exploring I should, I am literally dying to get out.
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