HOW MY CIVIL AND PAIN PATIENTS RIGHTS WERE TAKEN FROM ME LAST NIGHT .... i did it again, wrote a long long post and forgot to post it, shoot...ok here is what happened yesterday. my pain doc called me a lire because no one has called him to say how bad my body is doing..i called my PM for 5 days, on the 5th i was crying because i had slept 6 hours and the oainwas to much, hearing my voice the operator actually got him on the line, i told him about the pain doc and asked him to call. he had said my pain not being controlled was causing more damage. but then he asked if i was suicidal, omg i get asked that 2-5 times a week, to bad they dont just help me. i told my PM it is hard not to think of it but i would never take my life. he then said he was worried about my health and would i go to th er i said no at first because they do nothing to help, he called 911, cops get here and told me the ambulance was on the way. i told them i really did not need to go at wich time i was told if i did not go then i would have a 72 hour hold put on me...so much for pain patients rights, or my civil rights..instead of the hospital i was taken to an empty room witha locked door, i asked for my purse the emt said he had to search it first...omg..then a 'nurse' comes in and says she is locling my things up...what?? i had not even seena doc. the cop comes in, one inch from my face and says 'give it to her' staring me down, i stared right backand softly said you can talk to me nicely, his response 'dont tell me what to do' i hadnt and i said so i refused and he said 20 guys were on their way to tie me down,,thats when the doc came in, he asked what was going on and i told him he asked if i was going to kill myself i said no!! he believed me i said i just want to go home now so he said ok...the nurse brings the wheel chair to the door, across the foom, i asked her to bring it to me sah walked away. the cop stilll standind at my door keept telling me to get up and get it.. i told him if i could do that i never would have ended up in there. finally th enurse pushes the char near the gurney ..then pushes me to the outter waiting foom to try and find a ride..guess who followed, oh yeah as we were going out i told him i had never in my life met anyone so rude, he said i made him,,,so he comes to the waiting room and sits behind the desk...i told him i have been all over the worlf and had never ever met anyone so rude in my life..he said and if you said the sky was purple we r to believe this too, i wish lol...i got out of the chair and usesd it for a walker to go to another part pf the hosopital, and that is the story of my civil and pain patients rights being taken from me last night,,,oh each person along the wy said i was fine but they had to do their job......sounded like nazi germany to me, felt that way too, one love and peace out....hope everyone is oainless as possible (((( ♥ ))))~ruby sorry for sp it hurts too much right now to correct i hope u will understand,,,,,this is a post i wrote in my pain group 2 days ago.......how much more must we endure from society, when our own bodies betray us, so does the system that is meant to support us?

Like · · · Saturday at 10:53pm near Minneapolis

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TIPS FOR DEALING WITH PEOPLE IN PAIN

1. People with chronic pain seem unreliable (we can’t count on ourselves). When feeling better we promise things (and mean it); when in serious pain, we may not even show up.

2. An action or situation may result in pain several hours later, or even the next day. Delayed pain is confusing to people who have never experienced it.

3. Pain can inhibit listening and other communication skills. It’s like having someone shouting at you, or trying to talk with a fire alarm going off in the room. The effect of pain on the mind can seem like attention deficit disorder. So you may have to repeat a request, or write things down for a person with chronic pain. Don’t take it personally, or think that they are stupid.

4. The senses can overload while in pain. For example, noises that wouldn’t normally bother you, seem too much.

5. Patience may seem short. We can’t wait in a long line; can’t wait for a long drawn out conversation.

6. Don’t always ask “how are you” unless you are genuinely prepared to listen it just points attention inward.

7. Pain can sometimes trigger psychological disabilities (usually very temporary). When in pain, a small task, like hanging out the laundry, can seem like a huge wall, too high to climb over. An hour later the same job may be quite OK. It is sane to be depressed occasionally when you hurt.

8. Pain can come on fairly quickly and unexpectedly. Pain sometimes abates after a short rest. Chronic pain people appear to arrive and fade unpredictably to others.

9. Knowing where a refuge is, such as a couch, a bed, or comfortable chair, is as important as knowing where a bathroom is. A visit is much more enjoyable if the chronic pain person knows there is a refuge if needed. A person with chronic pain may not want to go anywhere that has no refuge (e.g.no place to sit or lie down).

10. Small acts of kindness can seem like huge acts of mercy to a person in pain. Your offer of a pillow or a cup of tea can be a really big thing to a person who is feeling temporarily helpless in the face of encroaching pain.

11. Not all pain is easy to locate or describe. Sometimes there is a body-wide feeling of discomfort, with hard to describe pains in the entire back, or in both legs, but not in one particular spot you can point to. Our vocabulary for pain is very limited, compared to the body’s ability to feel varieties of discomfort.

12. We may not have a good “reason” for the pain. Medical science is still limited in its understanding of pain. Many people have pain that is not yet classified by doctors as an officially recognized “disease”. That does not reduce the pain, – it only reduces our ability to give it a label, and to have you believe us.

AUTHOR UNKNOWN     to all those who care, THANK YOU <3 div="div">

This To Shall Pass-One Year Ago

                               It is has been a year of great sadness, great joy, much growing, learning.......one year ago I was sent away as suicidal, what none sense, i just wanted to dissapper, leave all the pain in life..never have I wanted to die ( ok one moment, after being cut and quartered , they forgot to medicate me, i did leave the building , for a moment, self preservation ) never of my own free will, just needed to disappear to find the joy again....no one was listening ...so they locked me up, so surreal even the Doctor said I had to much color to be in there, I could not relate at all...one very long week..so many truths came out to see the light of day. My body and I have been to hell and back, some of the sweetest gifts I have ever received, some of the most painful truths came to surface..what a thin line we walk. 3 Doc. enforced withdrawals....sending me into a nose dive, every body issue I have surfaces to the top, omg, so many have now accumulated..most a direct result of bad procedures forced upon me by the medical community, I feel like a guinea pig. How can they not know, how much more devastating these procedures are, than a pill would be??????  Three different pain clinics, three,  how can this be, each time having to bend to the will of the "Powers That Be" their procedures ( never want to hear that word again), it is not easy to bend when in so much pain..each time more and more truths in my life also appear. I was forced to look at my body truths and my  emotional truths. Once or twice in a decade is more than enough, so 3 times have been way too much, I was forced to make many changes most have been sad, their beauty is that the sadness when dealt with makes room for true joy. I  am grateful for the growth the lessons learned, the joy that begins to enter my life. I never want to do it again, I will continue to blossom becoming myself please let me open the doors at my own time and pace...i do not know if I could endure another forced growth spurt, my body alone will not make it, all ready I walk that line. Yet the gifts received are many, new friends, old friends, support is the sweetest of all. I give thanks to the Power for all that has happened, I really appreciate the sweet  sweet joy, ONE LOVE.......                                                                                                          

the heart of the beast

                   WHERE HAVE I BEEN, WHERE HAVEN'T I BEEN
I have seen the underside of the beast working my way back out. The atrocities I have had to endure the past few months are beyond recognition. i have been thrown to the street more times than i can remember, if you die i will get blamed, no one ever dies from withdrawal, you are to blame, junkie, er- never come back, 6 months- cannot find your records-no meds for you, surgery's total paralysis or a pump under 9 scars. What about me? Cannot walk, nor sit, neck so swollen so big-thyroid,feet stabbing-spasms gloure curling up no recognition, blood boiling heart forever sore- sweet to sweet, can't take it no more!    Thank you UNCLE SAM YOUR POLOCIES DESTROY , laws make our hearts green , fear is everywhere  , running no cares, so where, where do I go now, how do i get there??? TEAR much PAIN, I am back.                              

                                         I haven't blogged in a few days, I really thought that last one would unblock me. But I'm afraid it's more than that. I'm stuck, . Not just in my ability to write more but I think because of my body and the fact that no one will help control this pain, I'm feeling stuck in every direction I turn.

This is really frustrating, I've always been a person to pull myself up, dust myself off, and keep on moving. And usually with a smile on my face, some how for some reason it's not happening this time. Maybe because I'm trying to change too many things at one time, so none of them seem to change. I can't even seem to find my smile right now, but four years of nonstop, wait I did have three weeks without pain, it's getting harder and harder to see the light. And every time I do something snuffs it out. That's all I can write today

                                                                              Today I think I'll blog about relationships especially those between the disabled person and those around them that are their support system, and their loved ones.
I know it can be very difficult to be around someone who is disabled, they constantly need something. Whether it be food, shower, laundry, kitchen cleaned, and my favorite a ride to the doctor's office. I really do understand how difficult it is for the people around us, they have lives. Their lives are quite full, they did not ask to get stuck with someone like us. Someone who needs so much attention, but that just talking about timewise , i am also talking about mental and emotional support. Most people it would seem just don't have it in them, to give to another human in such a time-consuming, emotionally consuming way.
It is equally hard for us who need the help. Being a burden to others is a horrible feeling made even worse by other people's response. The worst thing for me is when I ask for some help and the response is go ask someone else. And when you ask that person they say ask someone else. It really is quite humiliating, and emotionally painful. But once again, I do understand that I am seen as a burden, and most of the people around me, they would rather I not be in this position, but then I'd rather not be in this condition. I can't tell you how many times I heard you can do this it yourself, or I'm to busy right now maybe later. Or I'm too tired right now ask me again another time. Don't they understand that it's hard enough to ask just once? But to ask multiple times can be downright hurtful.
Dammit the mouse back back l least I have company. But that little bugger needs to start paying rent! Bottom line here is that this is really hard on everyone. Those of us who are disabled, are already dealing with so many issues, our bodies that are falling apart, the pain that we live with is so damaging not only to our bodies but to our souls as well. Never mind the effect it has on our brain and when that physical pain kicks in so strong and sometimes for so long  that our emotional beings become affected as well. Then those around us tend to get mad, they get mad, they judge, and start dictating how we should behave. They do not understand that our behavior, our very personalities become affected by our condition. Even the condition causes a lot of  the changes, but the medications we are given can also have a profound effect on our minds and our personalities. Nine times out of 10 it is the most benign of the medications that seem to have this effect, although the doctors will tell our caregivers that it is stronger stuff that is causing this. And because we are not our right minds, or so they think, no one listens to what we have to say, just because it's our bodies our minds that are being affected, we shouldn't have a clue as to the cause? That's another issue that makes it all so much more difficult, not being heard, people hearing what they choose to hear instead of what is really being said.
The hardest part for me is being disowned by the very people that should be my support system. I am told that I am hurtful and angry and they don't want to be around me anymore. The saddest part is when all of this happened I was on a medication that completely changed my personality, and I have no recollection of it. In trying to explain that to them,I am told that I refuse to  take responsibility for my actions. Kind of hard to take responsibility for actions you don't remember, even though I have apologized numerous times and I really am sorry and I am sorry that I don't remember. It's not an excuse nor is it away out of taking responsibility, it's just simply a fact.
While this blog's been sitting in me for quite a while, and I really did not want nor know how to put it out there. But it is blocking me from continuing forward and that is not good. I do want it to end by saying, I appreciate each and every thing they do for me more than there will ever know, maybe it's because I know how much they do not want to do it, but either way I do appreciate everything so very much. Believe it or not I'm grateful, they won't believe it but I to know that. Just like I know many other things, I am not believed or heard because I am disabled.

                           

This too shall pass

                                                                          I  am getting really tired of all these ups and downs that are being thrown at us by society. It's not only today's new curve balls thrown by society, many people today, thought that issues we had overcome in the 80s and in the 90s, are now back to haunt us. There are also new issues that have arisen to make our lives so much more difficult. What is all the noise about same-sex couples, I thought that was really old news by now. And then of course there's the war that we've declared on most of the world. On the entire Middle East, and the majority of Africa. It really hurts my soul, that there is no heart left in this country. It's all about power and control, whoever has the most power has the most control. Am I that naive to think that this government has not always been about control, if I look back I guess have. The government has become big brother, I cannot believe how much my life is tainted by laws that govern every part of our lives, but also the lives of others outside of this country. It's becoming more and more difficult to function in society, and we're exporting this Brand of government to the rest of the world spewing the wonders and glories of being an American. When I cannot even get simple medication to control the pain in my body, with a broken back, and the laws allow or even force the doctors into behaving in a really cruel and inhumane fashion. Even in the Third World they know better than to behave that way. To let another human suffering needlessly,this is what we're exporting, that is the standard we are setting for global domination.

                            Again, I think it's really sad that power and control run this country and is being quickly learned by the rest of the world. This is the legacy that the United States of America wants to impart upon the rest of the world. This is the standard to which all must aspire? I really hope not, I think most of the world has a lot of heart in it, people understand that power and greed is not going to make their lives whole or happy. But it is the heart of a nation and the people there in that will make the world a place where we all want to exists.

Thiss Too Shall Pass

   I got one hell of a dilemma, I went to new pain doctor today who'll give me the relaxer i need so my spine is not constantly quivering. However, he cut the pain medication by 500 mg a day. I can't even think straight right, trying to decide what to do. And I talked to the pain clinic they kicked me out finally learning the reasons. Apparently I signed a document stating that I would not go anywhere else for medication and in going to the psychiatrist to get medication to help stop the quivering, I broke the rules. Never mind they told me to go, never mind they said I needed this medication they just weren't qualified to prescribe it. It would seem that today doctors can do pretty much whatever they feel like doing including lying, manipulating, out and out deception. How can they ever expect us to heal when treating us in such a horrid manner. After surgeons have cut me up 10 times, left an infection in my back for six years, left a bone fragment on the sciatic nerve for six months. Yet they are not responsible in any way for the damage that they have caused my body. Now I am trying to get some relief from all that damage and I cannot. Every time I go to a doctor in the beginning I am told yes you need help yes you need to, is yes you need that, but I can't help you. So I'd like to know who the hell will help me, all I'm asking for is a quality of life, not even the life I had prior to this this mess, but just some quality to my life. I have never before been forced to lay in bed to the point of having bedsores but I do now. Enough is enough already I'm tired of being sick and in pain and playing around doing nothing with my life but writing in this stupid blog that I doubt anyone reads or even cares about if they do read it..

This too Shall Pass

                                                    I really wanted to start this blog on my new computer and program, bux and falkor, on an upbeat note. However I've been having a hard time thinking of something upbeat talk about. It seems my entire support system is crumbling around me. But I did think of something very positive

I have the world's best PCA. It is my 22-year-old son. Now of course he can't really help me shower and I have to have a few other people help me with that one but that's okay, he more than makes up for it. He is a full-time college students and  in a very small and difficult College in St. Paul Minnesota. Zev has been putting in 21 hours a week, now he's putting in 40. As soon as I find another PCA he'll cut back to about 30-25 hours a week. My son Zev has been amazingly supportive, I know it cannot be easy on him trying to care for his mother when he's only 22 and I am only 53. On top of that of course is personal issues, and boundaries sometimes getting crossed, but we've gotten pretty good at stopping each other when we get to those boundaries. I can't tell you how many times in the last six months he's had to pick me up and literally put me in bed. He also has me on this wonderful workout routine, I have never been sedentary I've always walked even within two hours of surgery. But the last six months that this pain clinic has pretty much Me bedridden. So he's trying to get me up and going again and I am more than grateful. He started me at 5 min. at .5 mi./h two weeks later, I am up to 9 to 10 min. at .9 and for part of that time were doing a hill type effect ,okay so it's only .1 but it's a start. He takes me to doctors appointments, boy does he hate that. He cleans the house, does my laundry, cooks food. things I did for him for about 15=20 years. It can be kind of hard at times, knowing that this is not the way it should be. But this is the way it is and I am so so grateful for all his support,help, love and understanding. This must be really hard for him. And to top it all off, this ridiculous government has decided that family members should only receive 80% of what the stranger would get. When a family member gives you 150% of their time and energy, and a stranger walks away after a few weeks. And then after all of that we were with the PCA company that did not tell us until the last month that he only had eight hours a week for the rest of that month. And that's not the first time they've done it to me. So we switched companies,  this one I had been with for 10 years so I decided after the other company was so bad it was time to switch back to the really good one. Turns out they're not so good anymore they just said it took my doctor a month and a half to return the order for a PCA. I know for a fact that cannot be true by doctors very good at responding to requests, he also knows how badly I need help.
So what I want to say in this blog, is how grateful I am to my son for being there for me when I know it can't be easy, and he would probably have been happier staying at the University library checking out book's. But I am also grateful to my daughter for all the support she gives me when she can. And my husband who has been standing up to doctors for me lately, it's not in his nature to do that, so I know it can't be easy for him.
Thank you to everyone, firstly my family, secondly my friends, and yes Face book as hokey as that might be,in  being there and helping me through this nightmare that society has put out for me to struggle against. Sure would be nice if they would be there for me instead of making everything a fight, but that's the way it is in society today ,there is no heart left, the person is always the lowest denominator. Except when it comes to family then we are the highest denominator. I love you all, I know it's not easy, I am grateful from the bottom of my heart.PS, that was fun, it took me 15 min. instead of two hours to do this blog so I guess I want to say thank you to Bux and falkor.

                                              Well here we go, on a new adventure. The new box named BUX and of course falkor my ever faithful Dragon. This is very exciting really I've never had a new computer or program that I can speak to the old type everything I say. Now what do I say, this is much too happy and occasion to bitch about all the things that are going on, or I need a break, and on and on and on. So instead I'll tell you how my son is such a great PCA. He is determined to get me up and moving again, and I am in no way opposed to that. I'm ever spent too much time laying in bed and unfortunately the last six months that was pretty much all I could do. Anyways he's got me on this great program, or I do the treadmill every day, that darn thing scares me to death and I  know one day I'm just going to go right with it .lol. Hasn't happened yet and I pray it never does. However we did start at .5 and in two weeks were up to one and that is in speed. time wise I have gone from 5 min. and then now up at 10 min. He didn't think I could do it that fast, but when you've had 12 surgeries you really do learn how to pull together all your strengths and just do what needs to be done. My problem is I tend to just do it overboard. If 9 min. feels good why stop at 10 but every time I overdo it I hurt again. So I can have much much the thankful for. He really has turned out to be a wonderful PCA and I will miss him when he finds a real job in the real world. The college is about over, and he is now a man, a job that entails taking care of mama is just a bit too much. But onward and upward he will go, and I am so proud of him. In this past year, although it's been a struggle at times I don't know what I would've done without him. And I think this is a very good blog for falkor Bux and me.

THIS TOO SHALL PASS

                                              OK so one more on this old box.....I would like to tell you just a bit about a group i run on face book.  even though it is a group for chronic pain, there are as many reasons people are there in pain, as there are people!  I HAVE NEVER HEARD OF A MEDICAL CONDITION CALLED CHRONIC PAIN! At a time where we see specialists for every condition, why have we all been thrown together in a group called chronic pain?  When we all have different physical conditions causing pain, bringing us to the pain group, why are we all being treated as if pain was our problem?   Pain means there is something wrong going on inside.    I suffer from a bad back, and all the complications that causes.  Others have Charis and all the side effects of that. There are people with Tardive dyskinesia, these are but a few examples of our conditions. Not one of these ailments is called chronic pain! So why,i again ask are we being treated for chronic pain? SOMETHING THAT DOES NOT EXIST! When we all clearly need different treatments to effectively treat that pain. So in this day and age when we are sent to a specialist for every little thing, why is pain treated as one disease, with one cure? No wonder so many of us suffer so, no one is treating the pain that we as individuals have, according to our condition. We are a group of chronic pain suffers, instead of individuals with diseases that cause pain. 

THIS TOO SHALL PASS

                                                       THE LAST TIME I WRITE ON THIS on  the OLDDDDDDDDD computer... the new one comes tomorrow!!!       So for the last time on the junk box...The role women play in almost every culture is that of the head of the home, hers is to turn a house into a home. She is the one that sets the tone in the house. If it is a place of fear, from misbehavoir or shame, guilt from not doing as you are asked. My favorite is the authoritarian, " as long as you are in my house..." , ususally a place without trust  and a lot of punishent.  This is the environment in which I was raised. I always felt less than human, as if I was something broken..needing to be fixed. Of course they where the only ones who could tell what was best for you, never seeing the children as entities unto themselves.  These, I precieve as a way of making the home into a place to be feard.        Then there are the ways of making the house into a home of support, confidence, respect and love. I choose the latter, always trusting my children. telling them there is no shame in making mistakes, which means we must learn from them, and try really hard not to repeat them." I am sorry "only counts when it means you are going to do your best not to repeat that action. slip ups happen all the time, just means owning up. Honesty and trust are the corner stone of such an envionment. Love and honor are the end results. My home had one rule....i  get a hug when they come in, before the fridge is opened. I saw my self as a guide, to help each member of the home be the best at who they are. I was and still want to be someone to supports who ever comes throgh our door, being the person who will  always love, respect  and honor you.  this is too all the homemakers....a fullfiling role which done properly parovides everyone a loving atmoshpher, in which to grow into the best you possible.

                                  I don't think i have ever been so humiliated in my life. I showed up to
 see my primary a week early, pissed but it could be worse. Some secretary decided it was her job to play hero, and "save" me. I did spend a few min talking to her, she took all the pieces of my story put them together in a different order and concluded with ..I am go in to kill myself....i did mention that 5 days earlier when i woke and the blood sugar was 35 and for a moment thought about going back to sleep, that is a story for another day, but of course after a second I was stuffing chocolates in my mouth. ok..over, will the doc see me or not? suddenly I am in a locked room with a nurse, being told I had to wait for transport to the phyc. hospital, what the........who said something??? what was said??  I was not allowed to know. Then begins the horridly painful journey to hospital on a gurney, OMG.. it hope no one ever has to feel that back braking pain! ......I see a nurse......wait 5 hours.....2 min. with a doc. I have never seen before...he asked, did you say xyz ,i said no he gives me a few pain meds. at least it brought the pain down a bit.  I WAS SENT HOME!!! THANK  G-D.                    YOU WOULD THINK MY DOCTOR COULD HAVE AT LEAST ASKED ME!!!~~~~~~~~~~~~HOW EMBARRASSING~~~~~~and painful, ooo, do i hurt.  I know tomorrow will be worse. I must leave something for tomorrow anyway,LOL                                                                                                                                                                                

THIS TOO SHALL PASS

                                

                                                                                    I think we are all in a lot of trouble....these new laws,giving us DEA numbers,because we need medication that is now classified the same as crack , what are the consequences of that? when i try to get a passport,  or anything.....get on a plane, how many other ares of our lives can it effect.....THE GOVERNMENT CAN NOW GO IN ANY TIME AND SEIZE ALL OUR MEDICAL RECORDS..HIPPA,ANYONE?? the docs are so scared they no longer want to treat, even the ER won't. I AM EXTREMELY SCARED..AND WORRIED!! ANYONE ELSE?.. i am yelling it everywhere i can..PEOPLE like whitney houston who was held up as an icon died from the misuse and abuse of our medication...everyone morns..for what? the abuse of her privileged life..that now will make ours hell, even more?? GREAT IDOL, GREAT WASTE, GREAT GIFT!                                                         THE PIECE OF PAPER ALLOWING DOCTORS TO CARE FOR US, HAS BECOME MORE IMPORT TO THEM THEN OUR WELFARE <3   this country and it's laws are becoming more and more frightening....3rd world countries treat people better than the United States....I do not want to be here anymore, this is a scary place when you need help.                                      there is no, none, compassion in the government, the people who are to "care for us", even our families believe the lies and hype.  I am a disabled vulnerable adult...who is being abused!!

THIS TOO SHALL PASS

                           
                                I have been at HPC close to 6 months,  the most difficult transition I have ever endured, though out i have remained compliant.  Even though  it meant spending that time unable to move in horrid pain.Then cut my medication by a14 they finally increased my medication, then cut it again I have requested from staff  to make sure other doctors where made aware of my condition, before i saw them. That never once happened , I would arrive and the doctor they had no idea why i was there. Even after calling the clinic to make sure they where informed  of my condition and needs. I have endured injections that paralyzed me, no one would help me  afterwards  , medication cuts so low i could have died. I was sent to a psychologist to get medication, they can not prescribe.  Instead of doing an intake for psychiatry, were i would receive help, she did a normal interview. We were told another doctor at the clinic would  help, he did not. That mistakes and lack of communication has caused another 2 month wait to see psychiatry. I tried to take Valium,  they were offering,it did nothing. I then returned to the psychiatrist I knew, who was under prescribing, he had no idea of my condition, but it was something. Before doing so I called the pain clinic one to two times per day, to tell them what I was doing NO ONE EVER CALLED ME BACK. Until today to tell me i am being kicked out for switching back and forth from Valium to klonopin and back with out telling them. As i said i called numerous times, never got a call back to help me, only to tell me I am kicked out. there are other similar issues which i will not bore you with. None the less I like the people at this clinic, other than major communication problems. When the pain was intolerable, they told me to call my primary, who told me to go to the er, who said you have a pain doctor....go to him!!  Just a few weeks ago they asked for a UA, i was not in the least concerned, have have nothing in my system that should not be there. But having problems in that area, they suggested a blood draw, no problem from my stand point. Finally i have mostly all the medication I need, I even walked now every day for 1 hour on the street or 7 min. on the treadmill. THURSDAY I GET A CALL I HAVE FILLED VALIUM TO MUCH, I AM KICKED OUT!!!!  How can i fill too often, they are writing the prescriptions? I contacted the head of the head of the clinic, she was told i had klonopin in my system. Why are they lying about the situation? It has been 6 months of living in a very painful world, why would I destroy it so close to being where I need to be? When things do not make sense, you feel like you are crazy, you are being lied to.By the way my spine has so many issues I will not bore you with all of them, but the worst two, one a fall last year when a chair broke,I re-fractured my spine, it can not be fixed because of the hole there, left by a six year infection. Secondly I have severe stenosis pinching the nerves in my spinal cord. All of these and multiple other conditions cause unbearable horrid pain, all i am asking for is A QUALITY LIFE, I deserve it..I have a right to it! How dare they treat me as a non human being??

THIS TOO SHALL PASS

                                            

Lynn Rubenstein Nicholson

You all have to some degree been hearing about the BS I have been going though with my pain clinic. sending me to doctors without telling them why...or not giving me 1/2 the medications I need, sending e to doctor who did the wrong thing, giving me an injection that burned a hole in my back,that shut down the right side of my body..telling me to call my primary, who tells me go to the ER,who says u have a pain doc..go to them...last night I got a call telling me I have been getting medication from another doctor and taking it ..while i am receiving a similar med from them THOSE..M...F...KICKED ME OUT!!!!! after 6 months of hell.trying my damnedest to follow the rules...I am now 3/4 properly medicated..WHY WOULD I DO SOMETHING SO DUMB?????...I have called the head of the clinic..ombudsman..sending this to the Mpls. newspaper...and by tues. I am contacting the Attorney General..I have been compliant..suffered beyond belief...ans i a going to screw up at the end??? OMG this is me speechless,lol......they only have to check the pharmacy to see i have done nothing!!!!

THIS TOO SHALL PASS

                                           

WHY DOES SHE SCARE SO MANY ...... a tree in the ground, she reaches toward g-d. cradle in her branches, rest your soul in her leaves.... fly away in her wind. WHY SO AFRAID...feel the soul of humanity alive in her roots....hear the cries of our pain....the ecstasy of joy...from the soil, her roots ,to g-d up high...it is the cycle of life...NOTHING TO FEAR ...IT'S LIFE.

THIS TOO SHALL PASS

                                                     The purpose of this blog is to help people who are not disabled understand what we, who are disabled or going through. I am going through so much personally right now I'm not quite sure how far I should go. Most of what I'm  going through right now is a direct result of my physical condition.
               This really hard on the person is going through the problems, but in some ways it's harder yet and those are the caregivers. And then there are  those who are close to the person in pain but have no idea what's really going on, they frighten me, they treat you as a non-being who hasn't a clue as to what's going. Or a situation will arises and react to it as if you you are  a normal human, without a care in the world. There have been so many times in the recent past that for one reason or another a situation will arise and I don't respond as I normally would. When I try to explain, what is going on or why I have responded the way I did, the response I get is that I am not taking responsibility for my actions. It's rather difficult to take responsibility for actions that you don't even remember, they cannot understand that some of the medications I have taken have literally made me crazy. Prednisone is the worst medication, not only did it make me crazy but it kept me up so I couldn't sleep, sleep deprivation plus feeling crazy is really really bad combination. Yet I am being held 100% responsible for everything that I've said and done. In theory I have no objection to this, but it just is not reality. Between medications, the fact that every nerve in my body is being pressed on by my spine and the lack of proper medication makes me one giant nerve. It doesn't take a lot on the outside, and the situation gets on my nerves literally.
                   I am constantly meditating, analyzing, and going within to find answers on how to deal with everything , I have to stop now my nerves are hurting so bad I think if this were a real piece of paper I'd be tearing it up right now, it's hard to see beyond the tears I need to meditate, I'll be back later. It's now 24 hours later, I finished the blog and my computer crashed, so now I get to finish again. I should not be sitting here crying it is not that bad, because I am so stressed out, literally as I said everything is on my nerves, so I am crying because my computer crashed and I need to take 10 more minutes to finish my blog blog. How stupid, waste of good energy. I wish I could remember what I wrote it was good. The bottom line is trust. When you can't trust your body, you can't trust your healers, you can't trust the people who profess to love you, life becomes very scary and lonely. I think that's enough, later.


          
 

THIS TOO SHALL PASS

THIS TOO SHALL PASS

                                   I'm not sure if you are as                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                         tired of hearing about doctors as I am tired  of writing about them.whether I like it or not this is my life now,dealing with doctors, coming up with plans, plans of care and having them changed, without saying a word to me. Never mind how much I need in order to function.
The not being able to function part, is a part that plays on my physical body. All these constant changes to my medications are quite honestly, making me crazy. firstly I am under medicated, then I am given only part of what I need to function. For the second part I must go see another doctor, how ludicrous is this, there's a shortage of doctors already and I need to actually three doctors to prescribe the medications I need to be comfortable. Never mind the costs to me physically and the amount of energy that I have, also the cost to society there are so many people waiting months to get into a Dr. and it's all because of these new laws that prohibits doctors from writing us medications.the fact that they no longer have time to see us truly does affect the quality of our care. I have just waited three months to get in to see a Dr., in those three months I've seen my by my face age by about five years.
                          all getting so old this i this is all getting so old  I can barely blog about it anymore. I promised that I would continue blogging about we go through a daily basis. No one in the world can understand what it is like to be disabled, in horrific pain 24 seven, dependent to other people for so many of our needs. It is really very humiliating to have someone,especially someone who doesn't want to do it, have to help with almost everything.  at the end of the day we really don't like ourselves  much anymore, whether it be from the pain, having to deal with so many people who look down their nose who looked down on us.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              if