Humiliation this too shall pass
I've been writing this bog so that people can understand and see what people with disabilities must sometimes go through just trying to exist.
The other night I woke up to a horrid stench. I realized that it was me, in my sleep in the middle of the night I had defecated all over myself having little control over my body. I got up out of bed and, began removing my close, not an easy thing to do. Then I had to clean it all up, crying, humiliated, devastated and began to work. First the floors, then my body, and my shoes, it would seem I had also released my bladder as I was cleaning. I am 50, not five, NOT 105, 50! At least this time it was my own and not some friends who did not have a home. The pain caused by all this work has made it impossible for me to move today. So now I lay here crying and humiliated. It's a really hard to continue on minute each day is just another struggle. I don't remember the last time I went out of the house to have fun, it is always to a doctor's appointment. This by far has been the worst blog I've ever had to write. I pray to g-d I never have to write one like this again. People with body issues carry many secrets we try to pretend that where Normal, the world prefers to see us that way.
Most of the time I've written about the problems with other entities that we encounter on a regular basis and that cause us constant anguish. This time I have given you a peak into all were secret life. But this too shall pass!
I've been writing this bog so that people can understand and see what people with disabilities must sometimes go through just trying to exist.
The other night I woke up to a horrid stench. I realized that it was me, in my sleep in the middle of the night I had defecated all over myself having little control over my body. I got up out of bed and, began removing my close, not an easy thing to do. Then I had to clean it all up, crying, humiliated, devastated and began to work. First the floors, then my body, and my shoes, it would seem I had also released my bladder as I was cleaning. I am 50, not five, NOT 105, 50! At least this time it was my own and not some friends who did not have a home. The pain caused by all this work has made it impossible for me to move today. So now I lay here crying and humiliated. It's a really hard to continue on minute each day is just another struggle. I don't remember the last time I went out of the house to have fun, it is always to a doctor's appointment. This by far has been the worst blog I've ever had to write. I pray to g-d I never have to write one like this again. People with body issues carry many secrets we try to pretend that where Normal, the world prefers to see us that way.
Most of the time I've written about the problems with other entities that we encounter on a regular basis and that cause us constant anguish. This time I have given you a peak into all were secret life. But this too shall pass!
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