this too shall pass

I know you remember 20 years ago when the worst word in the lexicon was steroids. Now it has become the holy grail for all that ales you. How silly to think pain medication would be the proper medication to use for pain. Just wait in another 20 years we will be back to steroid abuse and they will be handing out pain mediation again. Never mind steroids destroy the bones ( no blood ) after that,then what? Or the destruction of most organs is a given, how many transplants can they do in a day?       Do the Doctors really think we like to humiliate ourselves telling very intimate details of our lives to strangers allowing them to decide the quality of how we exist. Why should I trust a complete stranger to CARE for me, they are getting paid. I bet they wouldn't care to much about me if the money went away. So I am to put all my trust in someone who only really cares for me because they are getting paid. The is of course those who are on power trips, g-d the worst kind of care giver. So we get to grovel and beg for a few nuts that help us, simply to get out of bed.    I can't imagine they believe we WANT these damn things so much we jump through their hoops all the time, willingly giving control of our lifes just for the fun or high. IF ONLY THEY WOULD LISTEN ~~IT'S MY BODY ~~I WON'T TAKE IT ANYMORE. I know myself lived in this temple for 52 years now,I REALLY WISH THEY WOLD LISTEN!        B'SHALOM~~~RUBY LYNN

this too shall pass

DO THEY HAVE THE RIGHT TO PLACE ADDS ON MY BLOG THAT I D NOT AGREE WITH AT ALL?

this too shall pass

             I REFUSE, I REFUSE, I REFUSE TO GET ANGRY LIKE YOU DO. SWEET DREEMS

2008 Minnesota Lynn Rubenstein Nicholson

this too shall pass

When I go to sleep at night I am grateful another day has passed. I can put it and myself to rest, praying tomorrow will bring something new and better into my life. EACH NIGHT I PRAY THAT THE NEXT DAY WILL PUT MORE PIECES INTO THE PUZZLE OF MY LIFE.

this too shall pass

It has been awhile, I am trying to deal with increase back problems, eyes that don't want to work, and about 5 oth9er issues.   Here is the big one, 99% of chronic pain dr.'s in Minnesota do not believe in pain medication. for chronic pain they give steroid injection. THEY DON'T BELIEVE IN PAIN MEDICATION?          HOW LONG HAS MEDICATION BEEN A RELIGION?   then we could discuss the diabetes I developed from steroids or the 200 pounds I gained or the fact that I am allergic to them. My skin becomes bright red and feels like I am being eaten by fire ants, the best of all~~THEY MAKE ME CRAZY~~ do nothing for the pain,last but not least NO SLEEP that will drive a person to complete distraction.   MEDICATION IS NOT A RELIGION~~WHAT WORKS FOR ONE COULD KILL ANOTHER.

THIS TOO SHAL PASS~~ NEXT STEP

Today is a part of the 9 universal days of wonderment (awe). There is so much in life to wonder about. The greatest wonder of all is how much we are the same. All the commonalities, even though we have taken many different paths at the base it is still the same path. The tree of life has but one trunk with many many branches. As the tree grows so shall we. The most difficult part of the days of awe is to ask those who have harmed us, to forgive us. One the other side and maybe harder is to forgive those who have hurt us. At the end our souls are ready to move on for another year. COL TUV  MAY ALL BE GOOD!

THIS TOO SHAL PASS~~ NEXT STEP

      There is always sun shine somewhere in the rain. Things can seem somewhat superficial, yet really touch you some where and lift your spirits. At the times when I feel about as low as I think I can go the smallest most insignificant thing can happen and really make me feel like I am not so worthwhile after all. Someone I bearly know at all read my blog and commented on what a strong women I am. To see myself through someone else's eyes, someone I don't know very well is a real boost to the selfestem.              Or someone I have been arguing with for many months does something so incredibly nice, helps me feel less alone and a part of the world. So any time you can do the smallest niceness for someone do it! you have no idea how much it might mean to that person.

THIS TOO SHAL PASS~~ NEXT STEP

So compound fractures, one of the worst but then there is the athletes foot all over you body,head to toe and everywhere in between.I mean everywhere! athletes foot is also known as yeast, it's much more fun to write athletes foot though, a picture is painted that really captures the feeling of having that horrid imbalance in your system. Did I mention what it can do to a persons life expectancy? Then there is the possibility of swollen, sore, aching joints and limbs. Oh yeah there is the part about back pain as well. These are some of what I remember, wait kidney problems as well.  The doctors are willing to put this HORRID chemical in my body.      THE SIDE EFFECTS OF PAIN MEDICATION MAKES IT TOO DANGEROUS FOR ME TO TAKE!! anger, frustration, and sadness at the loss of any quality to my life makes me so incredibly ( my words escape ) angry I am actually don't know how to put on paper the strength of my emotions. only   ~~~ how dare they,they don't live in this body or the agony I live with each and every day all day long!~~~ quantity without quality, what kind of choice is that      how dare they,   make that decision for me.

THIS TOO SHAL PASS~~ NEXT STEP

When we last met I was giving you the low down on steroids. So now you know the most gentile of  the side affects. the harsh stuff is: compound fractures, actually right now the pain is so sever I can't write,right now. I don't know what I have ever done to have to live a life with kind of pain!! I try with every once of my being to go forward but I only go back. I don't know how much more I can take.

THIS TOO SHAL PASS~~ NEXT STEP

firstly, I ended up with a really good chicken  civiichangah, not what I had wanted but good all the same. My stomach and taste buds are satisfied. This blog will probably have to be done in a series this sitting stuff just gets to me in a way no one( I pray ) can understand, ok maybe just a few   My job, for all that is worth, is going to docs listening to do as I am told. That is a really hard part, just ask my mom. I have always been a free thinker! I listen then study talk to people and pick as many brains possible. oh yeah, I listen to what my body is saying first and foremost. Then I make an educated guess or I try to make it an educated decision. I am sooooooo mad right now. However I do respect a doc. that says I have no clue what to do for you.They have been pouring hugh amounts of steroids down my throat. 80mg for 2 weeks then tapering months down to 0, 3 times now in the past 5 months. this has been to keep me from loosing my sight. Now we get to the anger part, they will give me a medication,  ( side bar... lost my blog after 45min.I found it  all by myself! oh so exciting ) that has more horrid side effect tan almost any medication I have ever seen. STEROIDS: weight gain, increased appetite, rounding and puffiness of face, increased urination,abdominal pains brushing of the skin, THESE are the least destructive now the horrid ones. I'll have to post and continue after a back break.

THIS TOO SHAL PASS~~ NEXT STEP

I have so much I want to write right now but for the time being I will put just this....Every Friday for as long as I can remember we have ordered take out. this night they wanted food from a Mexican restaurant  that does not have a menu on the internet. 6 phone calls to figure out what they have that I want to eat. No one can understand how tuff even the smallest of things can be. ALL I WANT IS A CACTUS SALAD FOR DINNER they call it something else we will see what I get. To much frustration for something so simple,why won't anyone understand?

THIS TOO SHAL PASS~~ NEXT STEP

      I WOULD LIKE TO TALK ABOUT MY HUSBAND. WE HAVE BEEN MARRIED 231/2 YEARS NOW. IT IS ALOT OF WORK FOR US BOTH.. IN ALOT OF WAYS IT MUST BE MUCH MORE DIFFICULT ON HIM. HE MARRIED A VIBRANT ACTIVE WOMEN,WITHIN 15 YEARS HE HAS A WIFE WHO MIGHT AS WELL BE 95. HE LOST  A PARTNER TO GO OUT WITH AND ENJOY THE WORLD TOGETHER. A PARTNER TO NOURISH HIM AFTER A LONG HARD DAY OR WHEN HE IS SICK ( FACE IT MEN ARE WORSE THAN KIDS WHEN SICK). HE WORRIES HIMSELF TO THE POINT OF DISTRACTION. I REALLY WISH HE WOULDN'T, IN THE LONG RUN IT KEEPS HIM FROM BEING ABLE TO FUNCTION. TO HIM I SAY    " LESS WORRY MORE ACTION ". BESIDES THE WORRYING ONLY MAKES HIM SICK. HE IS A MAN WITH A GOOD HEART , AND MESSY EXTERIOR. NOT ONLY WAS MY LIFE TAKEN FROM ME BUT SO WAS HIS. I AM GLAD, ALOT OF THE TIME HE THINKS OF  HIMSELF FIRST  I AM SURE THAT HAS KEPT HIM AS HEALTHY AS HE IS AND HELPED KEEPS US TOGETHER, KEEPS THE RESENTMENT DOWN AND ALL THAT  KIND OF STUFF. THERE ARE TIMES I WOULD RATHER HE THINK OF ME AND MY NEEDS MORE. HE'S NOT BUILT THAT WAY AND LIKE I SAID MAYBE IT IS A GOOD THING. THANKS G FOR STICKING IT OUT AND NOT STICKING ME IN A NURSING HOME. THANKS FOR ALL YOU'VE DONE.

THIS TOO SHAL PASS~~ NEXT STEP

I HAVE NO CLUE WHAT TO DO! THE DOCS HAVE ALL ADMITTED (IN ONE WAY OR DIRECTLY) WHAT TO DO FOR ME . WE LIVE IN THE LAND OF   ~~~~10,000.OOO REHABS~~~ MOST DOCS IN MINNESOTA DON'T BELIEVE IN PAIN MEDS.  NOW THEY WANT TO SEND ME TO MAY CLINIC FOR 2 WEEK REHAB.   I WOULD HAVE TO STAY INA MOTEL AND BUY FOOD, I'M ON DISABILITY,WHAT ARE THEY THINKING???    IT'S NOT LIKE I HAVEN'T BEEN TO REHAB MANY MANY MANY TIMES.       THEY HAVE MESSED ME UP SO BADLY I AM NOW IN HORRID NON-STOP SEARING PAIN. THE ONLY ANSWER THEY HAVE IS REHAB. AGAIN,AND MAKING ME BORROW MONEY TO DO IT.     THIS IS COMPLETELY LUDICROUS.  THE LAST REHAB I WENT TO SAID I SHOULD BE TEACHING!      DOES ANYONE KNOW ABOUT ANY GOOD DOCTORS THAT ARE NOT AFRAID  TO REALLY HELP ME?  I AM IN MINNEAPOLIS MN.   SOMEONE PLEASE ANSWER, I AM BECOMING DESPERATE! THIS IS A SAD EXCUSE FOR A BLOG.

THIS TOO SHAL PASS~~ NEXT STEP

I WANT TO SIT HERE ALL NIGHT AND WRITE,  MY BODY ~~ SUPPORT ~~ MY STRENGTH. HAS DISINTEGRATED INTO A FAIRLY USELESS  MASS, RIDDLED WITH PAIN~~ I HATE THESE MEDICATIONns .not too happy with my computer either. stuff jumps all over types over other stuff, I digress.  ~~ fairly useless mass, riddled with pain ~~~   how do I count on it,on myself, if I can't even count on a moving mecHAinism (even computer) to support me to aid me in what ever I endeavour. likewitting what or when I want to!    how about a camping trip????? I'm going to cry. clean a closet,that stopped the crying. I would love to see a play or not annoy 1/2 the people I am around.                    ~~~~THE WESTERN DOCTORS HAVE MADE A BIGGER MESS OF MY BODY THAN ANY OTHER MODE OF HEALING I TRIED~~~ I DID ALL MOST ALL 99%  OF WHAT THEY ASKED ME TO DO AND IT IS ALL ALL ALL SO MUCH WORSE~~~~              MUST I LEAVE SO THOSE AROUND ME ARE NOT SO ANGRY, MOST LIKELY I JUST UZZZZZZZZ ANGER. EVEN THOUGH I FEEL NONE.,USUALLY, PAIN OR SADNESS,WITH A DROP OF ANXIETY FOR GOOD MEASURE. THE CLOCK AND MY BACK ARE SAYING GOOD NIGHT ~~I MUST STOP~ LILAH TOV (GOOD NIGHT TO YOU)      ~~~ RUBY LYNN ~~~

this too shall -next step

..                                             ~~~~~  NEXT STEP IN MY PATH  ~~~~

I learned how to leave comments and then I could tell others: bottom off bolg ...links to blog,click, leave comment, put down name or not! I am ready to let more people see them. I am also ecited to read the comments good and bad . THIS IS A HUGH STEP FOR ME. I wrote 7 volumes that someone I had trusted with my life, STOLE ,the whole thing. I began at age 8 then puff all gone.

 It felt worse than being molested for me. So, it looks like I am ready, ecited ,and scared. This fels like life,being alive,                I MISS(ED) FEELING ALIVE    I hope with every molicule of my being that this time I am accepted in a much genteler positive atmosphere. TO GO FORWARD HAPPY AND SATISFIED.             ~~~~~~~~OMG~~~~~~~ AND IN RETUN      SH'HECIANU V'KIMANU L'ZMAN HA'ZEH, AMEN     It cann'''t hurt, plus I mutter it enough before and after surgery.    THANK YOU FOR BRINGING US     HERE, IN THIS WAY, AT THIS TIME !!!
 ~~~  ONE PEACE~~~SAFE JOURNEY~~~HAVE  FUN~~~AND GROW!!  lyn ruby shalom
 










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this too shall pass-living in constant pain

THIS TOO SHALL PASS-LIVING IN CONSANT PAIN

It has been awhile, if I feel good I want to get outside get fresh air see all the people(except the ones from my bed room window)and just say hi to complete strangers if the desire over comes me. These are the times I don't feel so disconnected from the world, awh what a wonderful feel it is. Not to be alone in my own little room with all my comforting chachces(stufff). To be in the big big world breathing real air my G-d it is delicious. Talking to strangers almost as if they are old friends, if only for a minuet. The pain becomes negligible and the warmth of the sun ,wether it is there or not ,warms my entire body all the way to my soul.    Then reality I woke this morning wishing again I had just spent the day before here in my little room. I spent most of the day feeling this way, until now. I am glad I had my adventure yesterday saw the sights breathed the air and talked to complete strangers. Of course my pain isn't so bad now and my daughter actually let me interact with her and her friends for a moment. I guess this too shall pass and the world can look alot better a few hours later.

this too shall pass-living in constant pain

  I has been awhile, the pain would not let me sit or if I did sit nothing that came out of me made any sense. It is sad when pain totally takes over your life, not just the physical aspects but the mental and emotional ones as well.. I really hate it when I can not put together a sentence because the pain has over come my brain.Most people know about the physical aspect of not being able to do something because it hurts too much. Most people don't realize that the pain also takes over your brain. It's as if the pain puts up a wall between all of your thoughts, nothing connects to anything else. The synopsis seem to miss fire, missing eachother as they wizz by this way and that. Nothing connects anything else let alone make any sense, I might catch bits and pieces as the fly by but again it is time....

this too shall pass-living in constsnt pain

Today is one of the hardest on my body. I went to my daughters college graduation I was up moving around for way too many hours. I didn't want to miss a thing,but today I pay and oh how I pay.It's not just the pain that makes me think I made the wrong decision. I would have been better off at home in bed.

this too shall pass-living in constant pain

I am in shock I have to give Doctor Jess Olson at health partner in StPalul MN his props!! I went into his office today with my dear dear friend Vicky,we have been friend for 23 years we meet when we were pregnant and had our baby girls two months apart.Vichy is a nurse who has been going through this with me ever since I started going to Western Dr.'s.It was such a comfort having her to hold my hand, to express to the Dr. in his terms what she has seen me go through these last 20 years. The Dr. listened to her and then he listened to ME! He said he has read my file and I had in fact tried everything he knew about and some he never did hear about.. I finally felt validated by an MD WOW.  I go to sleep a happy sore women tonight.       THANKYOU VICKY AND DOCTOR OLSON








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this too shall pass-living in constant pain

  The night before a Dr. appointment I don't know why but the anxiety drives me nuts. I really do know why I get so anxious. This person who is in reality practicing,  holds the fate of the quality of my life in their hands. Never knowing what will happen, will they take away the pain medication or the anti-spasm medication. Will they do something dumb and hit me somewhere so I end up blind (that is the worst ever) or try a new medication that doesn't help. Even worse, give me a medication that makes me sicker,like the prednisone did. All I know is tomorrow I will either be very happy because a dr. listened to me and did something that helped or I will be very upset because I must continue living in this debilitating pain with out much of a life. I am worried that I won't be able to make it through my daughters college graduation on Saturday. I can tell by my spelling the painis in control, so........

this too shall pass-living in constant pain

Tomorrow I go to see the Dr. that began this downward  spiral I have been on for the last 2 months. I am not sure what I will say. I want to go in there and yell at him, what gives you the right to pass judgment on me and my body, not listen to what I have to say, then when I call to say there is something horribly wrong I am told to call a different Dr. I know he won't take any responsibility for what has happened.I'm not yet sure what to say.I'm not sure why I am even going. oh yeah, it is part of the game I have to play.

this too shall pass-living in constant pain

   this has been a really hard weekend for me. Mothers day of course, trumped by my husbsnds birthday. I dont deny him his day he deserves to be king for a day, but why on the day they tell me and show me how special I am to them. Nice to be apprciated once in awhile! The worst of all on sunday I was turned down for the google affiliate program. Something about being a danger to my readers and my adsense account had been revoked. The one thing left  that I can do in my condition and even that is being taken away! After a few e-mails back and forth they suggested I might have used the wrong publishers number and to try again,so I did. I just opened my e-mail and there it was MY ACCEPTANCE LETTER. I know this might not be a big deal to most people but there is so little left that I can do and being validated by goole ment the world to me. I kept writing anyway because it is an outlet for my creative nature,and it just makes me feel better!! so THANK YOU GOOGLE for making me feel like I count in this world. Maybe I can mke a difference in others lives, and maybe just maybe I can change the relationship between patience and doctors. That would be the bests!!!!

this too shall pass-living in constant pain

1. I was just saw the most amazing movie EVER, AVATAR. What was done to those people and to the land they are a part of made me angry and very very sad. What a movie to see on mothers day. Avatar showed what I have always felt and known about our mother earth. I always suspected it but knew for sure when I gave birth. It was as if my being opened up to the earth and let forth another life. A life connected to every other living thing including the earth that every tree every breath we take is connected to each other. On another level it showed how the pain feels inside my body, explosions everywhere, complete chaos in every cell to my DNA. The total confusion as the war rages on, not knowing where to turn or what to do to make it right,to calm the carnage. It makes me so mad that the doctors I trusted to heal me only and continue to make it worse! I spent the entire day yesterday in bed unable to move because the pain is so horribly horribly bad. They don't listen to me and what I know is happening inside.They know and they know what I must do. So why is it that each time something goes wrong they just make it worse? This all began 42 years ago with a fall thru the ceiling!

this too shall pass-living in constant pain

I have not been able to write for awhile,the pain is so bad I can only sit for a few moments. It is so interesting that I was feeling pretty good before I went to the pain specialist. ever sense I was there I have been going down hill. I lost my sight, and now I can belay walk anymore. I wake up each day in more and more pain. I would go to hospital but they never do anything. So here I lay walking once a day in hope something will get better! SOON before I  loose it.Thank G-d for children they keep me from doing something stupid.

THIS TOO SHALL PASS-LIVING IN CONSANT PAIN

Irony, I am off the steroids now so I finally began to sleep 3 nights ago. I sleep in a old sleep number bed,bought before it was a sleep number, they dont tell you that the air bladder is surrounded by a fom bar. The air bladder haolds up great, not so much the foam. the side of my bed slopes down from sitting on the edge. So, I finally get to sleep 7 whole hours. Somewhere between hour 7 and 8 I woke up with my face inside the bookcase next to my bed. I dont remember the last time I fell out of bed. It is a good thing I can sleep again because now the pain is so bad I cannt move. again thats is all my body will allow me, and that took three times.

THIS TOO SHALL PASS-LIVING IN CONSANT PAIN

I went to a pain specialist a few weeks ago. The exam to see how my body worked was so hard on me I still feel it 5 week later! I called the doctoers office to tell them that their exam has caused me all sorts of pain. They told me to call my primary Dr.,so I did. the primary told me to call the pain specialist back,so I did. They told me again to call my primary,so I did. Again I was told to call the specialist,I GAVE UP. I am sure that they did something that cause the blindness and an incress in my pain level from tolerable,with pain meds., to intolerable. No one will take any responsability for their actions snd the following consequensces. Now I am living in so much pain I am really thinking of going to hospital. Any full time patient will tell you,the last place ypu waht to go is the ER. I can't wait to go back to the pain dr. and have him explain why I hurt so much now and what did he do to trigger my sight problems. Of course he is going to say he did nothing to me and the sight problem is from a different cause. Why do I even bother. Just give me my meds and let my have a life that isn't a professional patient. There is so much I want to do.


































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this too shall pss-living in constant pain

What I am finding the most intersesting right now is how profoundly the steriods have affected me. The physical weight gain,a given.The lack of sleep,strenght of my emotions and the loss of a wall between my thoughts and my mouth.I am easily overwhelmed by almost everything.It is so difficult to keep things inorder,the outter world and in the inner world of my mind. The most surprising of all is the effect my body has on everyother part of me.I am unfamilier with the physical fellings I am experiancing right now. Those feelings are controlling every part of me.I  used to tell my kids that saying your sorry ment nothing unless you made a change,as my daughter reminded me today. I am soooo sorry for most of the things I say but I dont know what is going to come out or what the affect will be.I dont think I've said sorry so much in my life. I have never felt so usless or helpless.Again the back is calling the shots,it is time to stop again.

THIS TOO SHALL PASS-LIVING IN CONSANT PAIN

I would love to write until I am finished with the thought or topic but that is not my reality.The pain in my back that now radiates through out my body dictates how and what I do. Sometimes its so sad,I just want to live doing things everyone else does such as start a sentence and then finish it. Sometimes I see the blessings, I have to decide what is really important to me what is worth my very very precious energy.When I do manage to finish those things I have a sense of accomplishment I never would have known. So there are ups and downs positive and negatives. right now I am focusing as much as possible on the ups and the positives so I will want to contiue living. Not just staying here because there are few people who might or might not miss me. The time has come again when my body........

THIS TOO SHALL PASS-LIVING IN CONSANT PAIN

I've returned from the eye doctor don't have to go back for 2 whole weeks.Now the problem is this,it is systemic.meaning something somewhere somehow in my body caused my eyes to go wonky. I personally would like to know who what where and why! As it would seem this might not go away,I really don't think asking for answers is expecting too much.I guess my doctor is more concerned with getting it under control. BUT DAMN I AM SCARED, that part is a secret.once again the pain says stop, so stop I must....

this too shall pass-living in constaint pain

you now have a very little bit of my early background. fast forward.....1987 I am getting married and just a little pregnant,that was our wedding gift to eachother.We found out about the baby the night before the wedding.Got rid of those great honeymoon plans and went up noth to the cabin. Which I found out is loverly the end of March when no one is around. The lake become a giant drum at night when the ice refeezes.In the morning just  enough water shows to put in the canoe and paddle around the moitionless lake.You can se eveything as it passes by.Even a few baby egals sat right next to us on the ice.It really was amazing! which is good because we used the money to buy an old beautiful house. We are still trying to finish the renovations. For an income we became music promotors.It was a fun way to make money but not very stable,so I began teaching hebrewand judic studies.I had my hands full with a new baby a step daughter, a promotion company,an old decaying house and teaching 4-6 times a week. My body held out amazingly well given all I was putting it through.Then our son came along he was an anniversary present. Born on my fathers first yartziet (anniversary of his death) it was beautiful and sad at the same time. I have had to take three breaks all ready because of my back and I now need to take number four. I am back again but now I have to go see a doctor,suprise,suprise..My job is PROFESSIONAL CLIENT(we used to be called patients). Off I go.

this too shall pass-living in constant pain

I am trying really hard to do this blog thing but as usual life keeps getting in the way. I should say my life,a life of doctors, nurses,phamacies,and the big bad INSURANCE COMPANY!They are the ones who make all the calls when it come to my health. being that Money is their motive,I AM SCREWD,will explain later .time for nurse to keep my feet on my body.

r'

I know falling though a ceiling sounds strange but so has most of my life. Country Club(Jewish,we weren't allowed in the others until the1980's) on weekends along with the synagouge. During the week I was the only Jew in a lower middle class public school,next to the fanciest part of the inner city the Lake area. I had marinol preists on on side of our house and Sir Tyron Guthrie onthe other side.Oliver Rea and family also shared the home.they had a daughter my age and for most of my younger life we were always together,except school of course. On the other side of the block began the single mothers,broken glass and the real world that most people lived in. I grew up waching and helping when I could for equal rights and "war is not healthly for children and other living things",end the war! make love not war,you get the idea. My young mind was opeded to an amazing diverse world that could be changed if only we tried hard enough.I ran off  to a "black" high school getting tired of the same faces after 8 years.I was also allowed to graduate two years early.Not yet ready for university I again ran this time to the Middle east.I lived on kibbutz malkiya on the boarder of Lebanon for 3 1/2 years.Then moved to Tel-aviv for 3 years and studied at university there.This of course is a short back ground for the topic of my blogs Physical Health,of which I don't seem to have much anymore.

this too shall pass

Sometimes the pain is so tuff I wonder if it is really worth it.I feel like a waste of  space,filled only by a  G-d awful sering never ending hurt. The church bells outside suddenly fill the air and for a second it all goes away but now the church bells have ended and it's back.  I fell though a ceiling in our home when I was 10.My girl friend and I built a fort on top of the maids quarters,keeping out all siblings and their friends..I will never forget her saying she wanted to get down, we walked towards each other and met at a point that didn't have insulation only the bare sheet rock and DOWN we went.She landed next to a cinder block book case all I could see was the blood coming out of her leg.I landed flat on my tuches(arse) just missing the over head light on my down trough the ceiling.Seeing all the blood scared me alot,so I stood up to go get help.Down I went, the stairs near where I had stood were long and narrow I must had run them a million times. This time my legs gave out and the next thing I knew I was at the bottom. I couldn't stand but pulled myself to the next set of stairs my mother got to me at that point and put me on the sofa in sitting room.I could not stand up.This was forty one years ago now and still the sering pain dictates my life.The Pain says I must stop now.

THE QUESTION?

My dilemma is this, do I post when I am feeling on top of my game or do I go for it and bare my soul when I am truly just me?

eye site, steroids;ans doctor

Why is it every time I go to the doctor with a problem the solutions cause more and more symptoms? I was going blind in one eye all of a sudden then realized the other was going as well. I was given drops,they didnt do so well. Then the big guns STEROIDS ( how I dislike those things) came out. I have not slept in weeks. Now I have jock itch all over,other name is candida or yeast infection. The long and short of it is I still have very little eye site, two skin rashes,oh yeah this eye thing causes back pain. Somehow I don't feel ahead of the game here.